Well, well, well… look who’s got themselves into a heap o’ trouble! Why it’s NBC.
I don’t know if you saw the coverage on Sunday of the U.S. Open Golf Tournament. Personally, I didn’t because I was doing one of the 87 million things in this world that are more fun than watching golf. Included on that list are activities like de-clogging the shower drain or sifting through my dog’s feces to check for worms.
If you’re like me and you missed the broadcast, let me fill you in on the scandal. (“GASP! There was a scandal?!”) That’s right, Mr. Parenthetical, there was a scandalous scandal.
NBC began the U.S. Open coverage with a syrupy, patriotic montage of children reciting the Pledge of Allegiance while showing flags and soldiers and other heart-stirring footage. But wait, something was missing. Let’s see if you can spot it. Here is a really crummy copy of the broadcast from our favorite copyright infringer, YouTube.
You don’t have to be National Artifact Expert Nicolas Cage to recognize what’s missing from the iconic American pledge. They said “one nation” but skipped the “under God, indivisible” part. Whoops!
So, was it a mistake? No. NBC has apologized and says it was a “bad decision” made by a “small group of people.”
Now look what you’ve done, NBC, you’ve got a bunch of people in a tizzy about it, burning flocks of peacocks in effigy and such. Personally, the omission doesn’t disrupt my life in the slightest. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s pretty stupid, but not necessarily because they cut out “God,” mostly because they goofed with the words of a very well-known pledge. I don’t know much, but I know wording tends to be one of the more structurally necessary parts of any specific pledge.
Besides, the whole point of including a syrupy Pledge of Allegiance montage is to give the red-blooded American-types a fix of their delicious flaggy-cocaine, which they so desperately need. Why would you cut that flag-cocaine with liberal-left-wing-baking-soda? They’ll never buy from you again!
(Is everyone still with me after that intricate drug-patriotism analogy? I know, it was a rough ride for me too.)
A lot of people are upset about this – and that’s why I think it’s so ripe for parody! So, whether you agree with editing out “under God”, or think it’s an affront to our nation’s founding fathers, or land somewhere directly in the middle (like me), you should always be able to find humor in every part of life.
So, I humbly present this Top 10 Tuesday, along with the words my father so often said to me when I started whining about something: “Hey, it could have been worse…”
Top 10 Ways NBC Could Have Made the Pledge More Offensive
10. Include the “under God” part, but punch a baby at the end of the pledge.
9. Tiger Woods spends the entire pledge impregnating no less than seven audience members.
8. Halfway through the pledge the announcer interrupts with, “Ladies and gentlemen, now performing their hit song from ‘Beverly Hills Cop’, it’s The Pointer Sisters with ‘The Neutron Dance’!”
7. The kids reciting the pledge suddenly stop and yell, “Booooring! Mom, can I go play ‘Modern Warfare’ on Xbox and blast some foreigners instead?”
6. Three words: Bible Eating Contest!
5. A profanity-laced Pledge of Allegiance delivered by a man dressed as both Jesus and Captain America.
4. Directly following the pledge, Phil Mickelson takes his first swing with his brand new club — which is red, white and blue and shaped like a crucifix. And he sets it on fire before every swing. And then he spits on it to put out the flames.
3. Thanks to a time machine, the real George Washington is brought to 2011 to personally read the pledge, only to have the announcer spend the next 25 minutes ranting about his body odor.
2. Preempting the entire broadcast with a 12 hour marathon of Katherine Heigl rom-coms.
1. This text scrolling at the bottom of the screen: “All American flags in this footage were personally sewn by Fidel Castro.”
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Tags: entertainment, funny, general tomfoolery, God, golf, humor, NBC, Patriotism, Pledge of Allegiance, Top 10 List, U.S. Open
haha i like it!
where did the cbs logo come from? pity the “patriotool”
You had me at bible eating contest. And again at Captain America Jesus. And then again with Phil’s club. haha.
I am NOT defending NBC’s decision, but the Pledge they aired is historically more accurate. It was in the 1950s at the heart of McCarthyism that the Knights of Columbus successfully had those words added. So IF there decision was made to show the pledge in its original and historically accurate manner then I am in favor of it. If their decision was made in an effort to not offend some population of these country then I think they made a mistake. I know you are not going for seriousness here, but that is my two cents – although it is not worth that much.
I appreciate your insight. Unfortunately, we don’t know their true intentions.
If I were a betting man I’d say they were trying to make a statement about the current political discourse in this country or maybe piss off the “red states”. I highly doubt they were trying to ensure a more “historically accurate” pledge be read. But, who knows. It’s possible.
And in the interest of ending this on a “not serious note”, here’s this thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNKyG4C2VlA
Speaking of knowing “their true intentions”, was that ‘really’ a break-dancing gorilla, or just a dedicated hairy janitor trying to clean a stubborn stain off of the cage floor? I guess we will never know.
Another great mystery of the world, unsolved.
I’ll be honest, the first thing I thought was about how they added that line in the 50s. Also, we should have that gorilla run for office somewhere.
We’ve had so many articles in the constitution amended or ratified, and I think the ‘pledge’ should be changed too and represent the laws that are set by the section of the constitution that ‘should’ separate church and state; which of course the fed gov. doesn’t and has taken action on since the word “god” and “indivisible” were written into the pledge.
But who really would ever expect anything more of the US who doesn’t adhere to their own laws?
I support that commercial and the pledge WITHOUT the two offensive and rather meaningless words, especially to those who are American and do not practice any kind of religion or believe in “god.”